I’m looking for something – I just don’t know yet. For life is full of twists and turns, and in every turn there is something new.
I mean, this year since last November has been really, really brilliant in that absolutely everything I could have possibly asked for has come true. I don’t mean it in the sense that seeking everything, but rather, in the sense that I just feel so blessed by the Buddhas, the Bodhisattvas, and of course, the Venerable Master. Everything has happened well.
In fact, this was part of the reason I actually considered writing a book called “Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva is My College Counselor.” Sure, it sounds really stupid, but in fact I still intend to do something of the sort someday.
First off, for example, there was the English 200 class fiasco in fall 2005. The instructor was such an incredibly abysmal teacher that I did not learn anything in the class and even refused to turn in the final. It is really hard to explain how down and depressed I was during that time. I felt as if everything was going to go really badly.
But yet, that turned out to be a good decision because in the end, I was able to take it under a different instructor in the following summer. It was a brilliant class, and I really learned a lot. It helped me for my college apps, as a plus.
And then, there was my decision to not got to CTY/JHU for the summer, but instead help out in the summer camp at CTTB and volunteer at the library. Sure, a summer all in Ukiah is not really that fun, but I think I learned a lot more there than I would have had at CTY.
This is all random nonsense, however. I remember a year ago writing college apps. Looking back, I am surprised at how little time I spent writing them. I could not have spent more than 45 minutes to an hour on each essay. I didn’t get them revised for the subject matter. Apparently, that’s very different from the usual revise, revise, revise.
My basic point here is that everything seems at least to have had the Bodhisattva’s guidance in this. Logically, I would not have done any of these things, and also, the bad things that I thought would be disastrous for my academic future turned out to be good things (another was dropping AP Physics). I would never have had that foresight to be able to contemplate that far into the future.
Personally then, I think that those who do not seek what they are seeking for will ultimately find that which they seek for. It is an illogical argument, but it makes sense. That’s what I’ve seen in life so far. Even if one is obsessed with something to the point of being anal-retentive about it, they still might not get it. Rather, one should be as “cool as a cucumber.” Then, everything will fall into place naturally.
May everyone be well and happy.